Have you ever felt a turmoil of emotions clinging to your heart, blowing your mind away everytime you try and breathe fresh air, everytime you try and see yourself as a new you and everytime you try to hold onto to your optimism. The emotions that bluff you into believing that something or the other will always bother you and will always make you uncomfortable, no matter what you think, no matter how hard you try to get yourself back. Emotions that make us believe nothing is going to be okay, you won’t ever be what you used to be but somewhere deep down you know it’s not true, this ain’t you and you will never be like this. You will never let anyone win but yourself and in the end get what you want. The poem says something like this only.

This ain’t me, I will never be !

Through the corners of every room I know,

Those gleaming eyes follow me.

Questioning me where I wanna go,

Thinking of what what I can never be.

Everyday I live, everyday I die

To whom I should go,

Left out with the stifled melancholy to untie

To whom I should let this know.

This ain’t me, I will never be !

The forlorn solitude that I am carrying inside me,

Is growing day by day like a poisonous tree.

Sucking every part of happiness that I grew,

Making me feel a little more blue.

The cunning voices inside my head,

Are responsible for the tears I shed.

I ain’t be the one who’s gonna survive,

Against the destiny’s martyr connive.

This ain’t me, I will never be !

I am somewhere losing the sense of directions,

Giving everything up to my imperfections.

I no longer care to see what’s there,

I no longer care to know who cares.

There is always a hitch to happiness,

An unknown hidden torment to caress.

Everytime I embrace this anguish,

It clings to my heart and vanquish.

This ain’t me, I will never be !

I’ve been running all along alone,

I’ve been crying for the things long gone.

But it takes courage to know your heart,

To gather all the pieces, every little part.

I know I’m no longer what I used to be,

I wish I could set myself free.

I wish to set a world of my own,

Where no harrowing pain would moan.

To get where I want to be,

I just have to close my eyes and see.

This ain’t me, I will never be ! 

WHAT IF

“What if im fat” have i lost the right to eat choclates just because my looks doesn’t appeal to ur eyes anymore

“What if im quiet” have i lost the right to be at peace with myself just because im not at peace wid u

“What if i want to cry” have i lost the right to be a small baby lookin for love and care just because i was big enough to hurt u

“What if i can’t figure out things for myself n for u” have i lost the right to get confused just because i did wrong things wid all my mind and heart in it

“What if i want to die” have i lost the right to meet my creator just because i didnt live my life ur way n destroyed one of his creations

“What if im not myself anymore” have i lost the right to be someone else for a while just because you never change

“What if im not courageous enough to accept the reality” have i lost the right to lie to make things better just because you don’t want to live a life of lies

“What if i can’t choose only one thing” have i lost the right to keep options just because you are smart enough to decide

“What if i am not the same person anymore” have i lost the right to be the one i want to be just because you don’t want me to change

“What if i am not there” have i lost the right to tease you and go somewhere far off just because you can’t see me away from you

“What if i cant keep you happy” have i lost the right to be mean at times just because my happiness is world to u

“What if i am blind not to see your love” have i lost the right to keep my eyes closed just because you see the world with my eyes

“What if i am not making any sense to u” have i lost the right to speak non sense just because you always make sense

“What if i can’t love you the way i did” have i lost the right to love myself for a while just because you love me more than u love ur existence

“What if i am mad at you sometimes” have i lost the right to loose control just because you always have control on urself

“What if I think i don’t deserve you” have i lost the right to think that you deserve someone better just because you think that you’re the best lover i could ever have in my life

“What if i cant find answers to my life” have i lost myself

Never dreamt of not wanting to dream one day

I never knew this day would come wen i'l be standing alone...with so many people around...but still alone... I WISH...no wait i don't anymore....
coz one day everything will go into dust..every dream will shatter, every wish...coz they don't stay for long no matter how much you want them to be intact....
I lived in my dreamworld...a world which is mine,full of happiness,a world where i believed fairy tales also come true....a world where everything seemed possible.. but now i'm standing at a point thinking how can i even think this kind of world exists.... i'm standing here thinking
 WHO AM I ?
I don't want to be alone but i cant stay here anymore
I am fucked up so badly.never thought life would bbe such a big whore
Ignored the truth,ignored the problems thinking all to be a shit
Closed my eyes and turned around to fall in some other pit
This is not just a passing phase,i can sense it has come to stay
I fear i'l lose myself,i fear its gonna change my way
Way to think,way to see the world which i thought was mine
Way to believe that no matter what everything at the end would be fine
I am being punished from each and every side,there's no way i can hide
I am nobody widout you.i never was and i can't be
Please hold my hand and help me bring myself back to me
How can i bring you back,what is it that i lack
Nobody cares for me i know you do,the only person i can see who is true
I feel i've given enough pain to my loved one's unknowingly and its all coming me back..i can't see it coming and taking me down and away from myself...
I feel like standing at a cliff and nobody is there to hold me, to stop me from going down,to hug me and save me from getting drowned....
I never knew this day would come.... wen i would be scared of dreaming...

Tears of love

I saw something falling out of my eyes,i wondered what it was

I realised they were tears when i fell in love

Why do we fall short of words

When we want to cry our heart out

Why do our emotions take a backseat

While the silence becomes loud

The one who used to be the source of my happiness

is now capable enough to hurt me the most

The one who understood me more than myself

is now hard enough for me to understand

Tears can be so special i realised when i fell in love

Someone can make me cry i realised when i fell in love

I want to be with you when i'm alone

and alone when you are around

I feel tears are the only thing left with me

with everything else buried in ground

Those fights were different which brought a smile

Those gestures were different which made me cry

I dont recognise myself now

I dont recognise you passing by

I saw something falling out of my eyes,i wondered what it was

I realised they were tears when i fell in love

Your words seem to me like a camouflage

I see you near me as if i see a mirage

My life seems hard now and feelings have frozen

There's lot to be said,i feel there's lot to be done

Eyes which used to dream about you day and night

are now being told not to dream during daylight

It seems what all we did was in a haste

It seems what all we are left with is just a waste

Tears can be so special i realised when i fell in love

Someone can make me cry i realised when i fell in love

Some things you didn't say

Some words didn't leave my mouth

Gone were the days when a smile would do the healing

now i have to try so hard and accentuate my feelings

Why am i blamed for the things i didn't do

Why am i blamed for blaming you

Was it my madness to fall in love or my destiny

now only the pain and tears you gave are left with me

I saw something falling out of my eyes,i wonderd what it was

I realised they were tears when i fell in love

You were the one with whom i remained at ease

You were the one who always tried hard to please

Being with you was never a compulsion for me

Your charming eyes day and night is what i wished to see

I knew love is going to bring pain

but it seems all my efforts are going in vain

The touch which used to create a sensation

is now just a matter of reciprocation

Tears can be so special i realised when i fell in love

Someone can make me cry i realised when i fell in love

Thinking of you away from me

it still brings tears into my eyes

Thinking of you not liking me anymore

breaks my heart from the core

I have these tears today,you'll not have me tomorrow

When one day you'll realise like me that

What you get is not always yours

sometimes it belongs to someone else

I saw something falling out of my eyes,i wondered what it was

I realised they were tears when i fell in love

Tears can be so special i realised when i fell in love

Someone can make me cry i realised when i fell in love